Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Blogging Now

I have noticed a few changed in my opinion of blogging over the last year I would say, if that long. Although I still love it greatly, the changes to it are a reminder that nothing stays the same. Even blogging. Below are just a few of my thoughts, and opinions on this new adventure called blogging. These are MY OPINIONS. I decided to touch on the other side of blogging that isn't touched on to much.
DSC_0083
With so many conferences, and events for bloggers. It puts everyone almost face to face. And depending on what your objective is for your blog, there can be competition. Bloggers sizing other bloggers up, befriending for informational purposes, the list goes on. Bloggers see and recognize when things are happening for other bloggers. This is no different from corporate America to me, just a different form. I do want to add, when you open yourself up to certain individuals do so with caution. Not everyone is a match offline, but do build those relationships that you deem necessary, but never lose focus of your purpose. We have seen business relationships form via blogs, and then later dismantled for reasons that are left unsaid. But we all draw our own conclusions that its not all peaches and cream.
There has been a term used when talking about NEGATIVE NANCY’S as “meanies”. Yes they do exist, and visit blogs to stir up hell. Usually they come in the form of anonymous comments which is why I removed the option from my blog. Yes everyone has an opinion about a post, but there are limits when it comes to a lack of respect, and  straight negativity. If you are that person, trust me people know it and they talk. Being a negative Nancy, and just being straight up mean can be defined differently depending on what's going on. Personally, I wash my hands of them and recommend any blogger do the same.
Many feel as though they have an opinion as to what you should do with your blog. How you should post, and not post, etc. I get certain things. But trust me when I say…A blogger is very aware of when they post crappy photos, or if there is a misspelled word (there is spell checker). I read one bloggers note about her blog: “My blog is more like a dictatorship, not a democracy.” Which means, she does as SHE LIKES. And at the end of the day that’s what it comes down to. What the author wants to do. I will say. If a misspelled word(s) on someone's blog gets you up in a bunch….Umm, come on.
So many people focus so much on comments, and people leaving them. To be honest, and this is true in my opinion. But some bloggers that are more competitive will rather not leave a comment on your blog, just because of the “IMPORTANCE” of comments to bloggers. Almost to send a message by not commenting. Yes its ugly, but it happens. Bloggers know their audience, and they know their readers. I equate it to inviting a friend to your party everyday. The party is pretty full with guests daily. You notice someone's shadow at the window, but that’s all it is. Your neighbor also decides to have a party everyday. You pop over, and there is the friend you had missed, sipping mimosa’s and chatting it up. So you then look at that friend with a question mark. No not every post calls for a comment, and every person cant leave one. But yeah, at times I think silent messages are sent. Most of the time, I play on the playground by myself, and I can see others that do that same. As well as those that REQUIRE a group of playmates. Be okay, blogging by yourself.
Some people blog because its something they like to do. They are okay with their everyday life, and just want to blog with no expectations. Then there are some people that blog because they have a love or passion for something, and want to share it with the world. That person is pretty open to opportunities that come their way because of their blog, because its all in the name of what they love to do. And then there are people that blog with an agenda. They started blogging for a reason other than just a passion. More so for business, and/or gain. Its just a way to be aware of why certain people blog. Just another piece of the blogger puzzle.
I think one of the great things about blogs is the diversity of the authors. I for one don’t read one type of blog, or those by one type of author. But what does bother me, not only as a blogger. But as a person. Is the trending of no diversity on blogs. I love reading blogs, and comments of blogs that have a diverse group of readers.  I have  mentioned cliques time and time again. They are more clear now than ever before.
*update: Yes, there is a huge lack of diversity with bloggers and who they befriend. Many times we see bloggers only featuring “top bloggers”, or bloggers that they think will make a huge impact on their blog. I say never forget where you started. I think its better to diversify your featured guests. I have even visited a few blogs where a blogger seems to mention the same bloggers over and over, and over again. But never do I see it reciprocated on the featured persons blog. That’s strange to me. Some seem to be caught up in the world of association. Get where your going with your blog on your own merit.
My words have been these since I started blogging. DO YOU. That is the only way to blog 100% and be good at it. Readers of blogs know when the posts are not genuine. If blogging becomes more of a chore, there is a problem. Take time away. Some readers will leave from what I hear depending on how long your gone. But at the end of the day, you have to love your life not according to blogging unless it is your way of surviving. Don't attempt to keep up with the blog Joneses. PLEASE. It will only lead to you becoming overwhelmed. Do this according to you, and have fun doing it.
Blogging can be so much fun. I love it dearly. But I have come to realize that it’s not perfect. It will continue to change, and with even more people/objectives than ever.

done for now.
Tamara

155 comments:

Tia Brumbelow said...

I LOVE your Advice of "DO You" I think it's important to be yourself and not be any different in person. I am so new to this and I've already encountered some of no so real poeple. For the most part though It's been pretty positive. It can be so easy to get caught up in the "hype" or what or who is popular at the moment, but if you're just yourself those things won't matter. Love your honesty TAM and your realness =)

Myisha said...

What a great post! I've always thought that there was a lack of diversity on certain blogs as well. I read your blog, but I read other blogs that are totally different from yours Tam. But what I have noticed in "Blogland" is that certain bloggers ONLY promote and/or associate/align themselves with other bloggers that they deem has the same number of readers or clout. That's what I love about your blog and Jen of Made By Girl...You guys aren't click-ish and really seem to do your own thing and still have a great audience! Keep doing you Tam and thanks for your honesty....It's refreshing.

Myisha :)

TamStyles said...

Thanks so much for reading and understanding where I am coming from. I have seen some of the same @Myisha. Blogging is just an extention of the real world.

gigiofca said...

So many great points & so many that I agree with. If the blogger is authentic & truthful, they will get readers. I have seen - very recently - that people end up showing their true colors. I think the way they are irl eventually shows up in their blog. So, while someone can think they're able to create a character as a blogger, I think eventually the way you treat people in life comes thru in the way you blog. That's my $0.02 :-)

TamStyles said...

@gigi...so true. all it takes is time. I to have ran across some fakes that are watched from a distance, and with a side eye. All it takes is once. I get it the first time...

Mr. Goodwill Hunting said...

Tam Tam Tam Tam.
As we say from the pulpit, "It's tight, but it's right"

Mr. Goodwill Hunting

designerchik said...

Right on point once again Ms Styles, you just reinforced one of the reasons I actually love your blog, "You keep it real"...Thanks again for sharing

Moni @ CL Journal said...

You hit the nail right on the head! I have to say that I would like more diversity on my blog; however, I do not want to censor myself or my thoughts.

That is one of the reasons why I haven't joined to many "blogging sites", to which I do plan to change. I am who I am, and, after blogging for 17 months, believe it or not, I'm still a bit apprehensive about putting myself out into the blogsphere. Sounds a bit bizarre, but yeah, people can be cruel and overly opinionated and I don't have the patience.

In the end, I blog because I enjoy it and I comment on other blogs because I enjoy their posts as well. That alone is what keeps me interested.

Erika at BluLabel Bungalow said...

Wow, this has to rank in your top 5 posts! So well conveyed that I could almost hear your voice while reading it.

This has to be someone the best advice out there and as always I appreciate your candidness and for taking time to put your thoughts into words. I will probably be back to read this a second and third time, too!

Angela said...

I love it Tam!

Juanette said...

this made me giggle, way to go Tam! I haven't experienced a lot of negativity on my blog but I have noticed a couple of people (actually one in particular) whose ulterior motives I detected from a mile away. Negative energy surrounds her and I realized it from our first interaction. I think when people try to be competitive that is when they lose sight of what they have to offer and focus on things that don't matter. I definitely believe that there are blog "cliques" but I just try and do what I do and surround myself with like minded creative people to bounce ideas off of and I believe that this is why you're so successful, you do what you do best (design/decor), let readers into your world (not impersonal) and say what needs to be said (the truth!)

Kara said...

Great post Tam - Could not have said it better myself. I love your blog and what you bring to the table.

And for myself - I blog because I enjoy it - no other reason. :)

TamStyles said...

I have to say I am glad this post was received well. I at times want to express what I am feeling in general, but I dont want to weigh things down. But this was one, and out it came. Thanks again for knowing who I am as a blogger, and chiming in on my truth.

tam

Prissy said...

WOW!!! This was a great post, Tam. I'm still new to this blogging thing, so this info helped tremendously! In my "everyday life", I'm a DO ME type of woman, I dont have to be cliqued-up...so I know in the cyber world, I will be the same way. I blog because I like doing it! I really appreciated this post!!

Prissy

Ms. KS said...

I don't even have words for how great I think your blog is. I agree that some people blog for gain and others for passion. I can tell you have "eye" and passion for not just a lifestyle blog but life. At the risk of sounding like a STAN, I really really enjoy reading this blog. It is on the list of about 7 blogs I browse at least everyday or every other day.

It is easy to tell who is genuine and who is full of it even cyberspace. Stay true and DO YOU..you will have much more and bigger success. :)

The Rich Ant said...

Thank You thank you so much for this post its great to see real advice from the heart. I especially appreciate the part about online verses face to face business relationships or even friendships.

Niki McNeill said...

You touched so many points that I think about all the time - blogging has become such a complex thing! Not sure what the future will hold for it....

All things.. said...

Hey Tam, love this post. There are definitely people out there who use blogging as a means to 'get somewhere' rather than to share cool stuff and ideas and connect in an authentic way. I have definitely come across people who I have tried to interact with only to get the cold shoulder : ( However, there are certainly lots of really great bloggers out there such as yourself who write truthfully from the heart and establish a long list of very grateful readers : )

Bri@Meyouandawiener said...

WORD. You hit the nail on the coffin I've felt like this for a while. It's like high school all over again. I've tried to reach out to certain bloggers and I'm totally ignored. At least I tried, you cant win them all. Cliques is something I never expected coming into this. I thought I'd be easily welcomed yet I was met with a serious reality check. You can't please everyone. I just be bri. Great post!

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

I LOVE THIS POST! Juanette and I were talking on the phone and told me about it.

GIRRRRLLLL!!! HIDE!YO!KIDS!

I have SO much to say about this but you said alot of it. First of all, why am I so stupid? Why didn't I know about blog cliques!?!? I thought everybody was happy, happy, joy, joy in blogworld and I learned the opposite real fast!

I had an encounter this summer with a shady person (I'll give you the goods when we meet in Houston!) and it threw me off. I was like "Is it really that serious? The competition of it all?"

I think people can tell from my blog that I don't take "fashion" that seriously, life is too short to be up in knots about silly stuff. And I agree with you, your true followers know when you are being genuine. So that's what I focus on...being ME!

There are definitely haters in the blogworld and I think that affects many blogger's content. That's why sometimes I will just not blog...if I have nothing to say...then I just won't.

I'm really rambling...all of this typing to say I AGREE with your advice...DO YOU! That's what attracts readers, not constant profiling of other high profile bloggers. I've built great relationships with many popular bloggers but it has always been genuine...not because I'm looking for a shout out.

Anyway! HIDE YO KIDZ! HIDE YO WIFE!

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

P.S...."EVERYBODY KNOWSSSS" that blogging is for fun and if something greater comes out of it...more power to you:)

(You know I had to do a little Phaedra from RHOA)

Minister of Style said...

Preach! I love, love, love this post...did I say I love it, LOL. This was very well said and needed, bravo!

Ambrie said...

I LOVE THIS POST! It is so so so so true!!!!!!! I consider myself a blogger who loves her life loves doing what she does and loves sharing with the world. I don't focus on one aspect I focus on mainy, makeup home decor whatever makes me smile! Even though it would be AWESOME to have thousands of followers I'm happy with the ones I have, I don't get into my feelings when I have 0 comments but U do love reading the few that I get. I say what I feel and do as I please ppl seem to like it and what naysayers think abnd say about me is none of my business lol I keep it moving Y because they don't have a heaven or a hell to put me in! LOVE THIS POST!

Ambrie said...

and ur right diversity in the blog realm seems to be a little scarce...

Bri@Meyouandawiener said...

Also I forgot to add that I have made comments on some blogs only to find out they deleted my comment or did not approve it. Why I have no clue I have never disrespected anyone. Still I visit these blogs because I like their posts I just don't comment anymore.

traci zeller designs said...

You go, girl! Love this. Boy have I ever learned over the past year about many of the things you touched on today. It's fascinating, but I'm with you - I'm just me on my blog, keeping it real, like it or not!

Fashionmom said...

I have a blog, I will not even mention the name because you are so correct. I also have to admit that I do not read a lot of blogs, there are so many out there, I only follow about 4 ours included. I think that if you are doing "you", you have to maintain "you" and reading other blogs can influence and change the way you percieve your own blog. I write about what I love and what I do and my friends and I do not care if no one follows it, it is about what I love. It is my blog!
I say if you are serious about blogging you are doing it for yourself. If the ads come that is a nice plus but don't think you will become the next famous blogger and get profiled in magazines, that only happens to a chosen few who have connections. Get real, stay real and write your blog for you. Enough said.

Yvonne said...

Your post is perfect and truly reflects how I feel about how the 'blog' world works. I have a very small homeschool blog that I truly do for me. Trust, the "hype" and hoopla is alive and well even in the homeschool blogland. It is very much the same. I'm cool with it because I truly 'do me' in the true sense of the phrase.

Thanks again for this fab post. love it.

1x1000 said...

I am out of BREATH! LOL! I guess I was reading this post too fast while eating my lunch. Gurl you are too much! And too real! Blog on with yo bad self!

1x1000 said...

One other thing...I do not have a blog.

Actually stumbled on YOUR blog while looking for info on home decor after having purchased new home, after becoming divorced after 30 years of marriage! Whew! That was a mouth full!! LOL!

From YOUR blog found other blogs. One or two I may comment on, most I don't.

Oh yeah! That's NOT my picture on my signature line! LOL!

Gurl keep being you and keep on keeping on!

Hugs!

Kita said...

Oh my I did not know the blogging world was this deep I thought people honestly just did blogging like a diary and gave an insight into what they love and do on a daily basis. I just started blogging in November of 2010 and I do it just to have a voice. I guess alterior motives live in computer land and in real life. This is good info to know and I have learned a lot in this blogging world and I promise you I will do me.

Mrs. Chic said...

Good Post!! I so agree with the whole 'Do You'and not getting caught up with blogging with an agenda.

For me its so much more fun to share whats going on in my little corner of the world, than to wonder how many comments I might get! lol ya know, blogging like you said should be fun and not a chore....

Sunny said...

This post is truth!

Dhalia Rodriguez said...

This is a great post Tam and so very true.

Dhalia

"Haute Girl" said...

Really??!!! I didn't realize things were this intense ?? Interesting.... Food for thought.

L.Duncan@Home23DuncanBoys said...

You already know how I feel on this matter. I'm doing my best of keeping to myself when it comes to getting personal. I think Blogfest will be the last thing I go to where bloggers are concerned. Honestly, none of this is worth the worrying.

I was going to write a post similar to this, but decided it wasn't worth my time! Keep doing you, Tam.

Miss M&M said...

I enjoyed reading your blog post. I'm new to blogging and I found myself already having to remind myself the purpose for my blogging. You're right people blog for different reasons and to try and compare your blog or yourself to someone who does it for a completely different reason is not a fair assessment. I personally enjoy blogs that are genuine, authentic, and gives insight into who the author is as a person, otherwise I could subscribe to a magazine about the same topic.

I have to remember for my own blog that I blog about what I enjoy and things happening in my life and if opportunities come as a result, great! Another blogger told me "make sure you love your blog, the readers will come." That was great advice too.

Joi said...

Sing it girl! I sometimes compare it to highschool...heck all of life is like highschool! I should know, I spend my days there all day everday!

I do me, from your advice and I try to not let jealousy, anonymous comments, or shadiness get the best of me!

Blogging is fun and I want to keep it that way!

I'm thankful for your friendship, T! xoxo

Loretta said...

Tam thanks for keeping it real, and telling the truth. I'm a new blogger, but do it for fun only. However after visiting several different blogs daily it is apparent that there are cliques in blogland. Some bloggers do it advertise their business, for most of us it's are passion and it's a joy to spread information. I lead a full life besides blogging and refuse to be in a competition. I've noticed that some bloggers wont even be bother with baby bloggers as myself. For me I would rather have 4 faithful followers than 2000. Thanks for keeping real.

Carole in the Faith Lounge said...

Hi, I have read but not commented on your blog for such a time, as I only comment when led.

I love your post and so much of it is true. In the short time, that I have started blogging (nearly 2 years), - things sure have changed.

People have changed and that is inevitable in this fast paced world of blogging. Their reasons for blogging change focus and most of it is to due to envying another bloggers readership, stats etc, etc.

I am tending not to 'pick up' new bloggers, but to keep in touch with those, I feel are authentic beings. After all there are only so many hours in the day and I tend to classify most things in categories - 'in the grand scheme of things category - what does it matter'.

Blessings,

Meant2B said...

u may not know it tam but i have learned so much from you about this blog game. my last post was on letting all who dart my blog door that IT IS WHAT IT IS and if its not for you i bid u a fond farewell. maybe it was more for me. i wasnt trying to be mean but im an odd ball in my online creative circle and i wanted to stop myself from trying to appease them for the sake of followers. i think if im true to me, my eclectic, sassy, smart tribe will show up.

thanks for keeping it 100. it never gets old!!

J A C Q U E L I N E said...

Great great great post! Glad I found your blog. Thanks for the advice.

Down and Out Chic said...

lots of advice to chew on. i agree that mixed agendas exist it can be difficult to know who to trust. i think it definitely boils down to being comfortable with who we are at the end of the day and the content we've put out. i will say that sometimes i feel like blogging is a chore, but then i remind myself why it makes me happy and it seems to make it better.
as far as associate goes, i could honestly care less. the egos that exist out there are sometimes too much for me to take. i'm fine with d&oc being exactly what it is.

Comeca Jones said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Comeca Jones said...

Im glad you decided to do this post.Its definitely food for thought! I blog ONLY to share my little bit of happy No expectations. Although I will admit I have deleted some blogs I previously followed because they've become so large they loose the personal side that attracted me in the first place which is sad.(oh I am now using spell check)giggle

Natashia said...

If there was such a thing and they may very well be, as the most informative and straight to the point post this one would win hands down. I have noticed all of what you mentioned in this post in particular I was new to bloggin and found a blog that I really liked and could relate to I enjoyed her post and I left one comment not mushy and I was certainly not kissing up when you follow a persons blog that you like I looked them up on Twitter this was the kiss of death I dont think posting 1 comment and following a person on twitter deem them a stalker but I felt that bloggers cold draft and trust me it's noted. I never crash party (don't have to) I only come if I am welcome or invited. Awesome post! Keep it Real

Mustard Seed Collective said...

If this post where a pot of gumbo, I'd say you put your foot in it. Well said, Tam! I skimmed everyone's comments, and couldn't agree more. This post is right on time.

MsNana_ said...

i just learnt a great lesson.
'DO YOU'
I started blogging in september, I wanted it to be about me and what i love, what i experience and everything.
something like an online diary with not too much details into my personal life. But i started to get swayed, i wanted to be like some of the top bloggers. i started struggling with what to post. but now i realise, its my diary, and not a market, so i will put whatever happens in my head. and now i love it again.

this post just got me thinking i did the right thing.

Thank you.

Ginta said...

Thank you for this post! I couldn't agree more! It always boils down to - knowing who you are, the reason you’re blogging for and being honest about it. It's like when I throw tantrums about blogging occasionally my BFF just asks me - why you're doing this? Why you’re blogging? And I instantly calm down 'coz I know the answer :)

jonalynn said...

I really appreciate your refreshingly honest commentary. I've only been blogging for about 10 months, and I see a lot of what you speak of.

I started blogging to get back into writing and learn more about interior design, and I'm so happy I did. I've connected with people I never would have otherwise, and I think people sometimes forget what an amazing gift that is.

We all just have to remember to shake off the haters and why we entered this really rad community!

turnuptherad.blogspot.com

meenal bishnoi said...

I got directed to your post via made by girl...haven't read anything so elevant in quite some time...for a new blogger like me, it is ironically comforting to know that many have faced that deafening silence of a not commented upon post that took you forever to write...and those that visited ever so silently so as not to leave any footprints that could boost your morale....thanks so much for this post Tamara...xx meenal

Anna White said...

Honey...I have only one word that sums it all up...AMEN!
Your words ring true..sadly this seems to be the case even more so now for some reason.
The only thing you/we can do..is stay true to ourselves...be genuine and be grateful...we say we start a blog for ourselves...but in the end..we end up doing it for others..because it brings us joy to be sharing..and inspiring others.

I think the " DO YOU" is all you can do..and not get too caught up in all the other BS!

Becomeing a top blog..is not a crime..but I think it is important to remember when you werent..and always be thankful for where you/your blog are and the amazing people you meet along the way.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts lovely x

Gislane Lima said...

Great post! It's so true and sad and it happens everywhere. I'm posting (in portuguese) for 1 year now and I see the same things happening in the Brazilian blogosphere.

Macarena - Chic et Posh said...

Thanks for this post, it's really awaring. I wish I could undestand some expressions you've used in order to clearly get the idea. Nevertheless, the concept in it is very specific. Huge hug, and I'm heading to read your advises for bloggers. Xo

Modern Country Lady said...

Hi Tamara, thank you for this post, you are absolutley right.You may actually be right as well about some bloggers not leaving any comment JUST because it matters so much to other bloggers, isn't that sad...I know I always love to read what others feel about my posts so here is my comment on yours :
FANTASTIC POST
:-))
XOXOXO
Bea

firstsense said...

Hi Tam, I came across your post via MadeByGirl and I am so glad I did. You're brave to say what so many know but never bring up.

I work in design and started blogging to simply catalogue my inspirations. While I find it an absolute delight when I learn of a new follower, I blog for me, for my personal gratification and to connect with creative passionate decoholics like me, not for a celebrity following. I like to be able to respond to all the comments I receive, because I appreciate it so much when my lovely readers write to let me know their thoughts on my topic.

As time goes on, I am realising there is a clique around the blogosphere, and I find it a shame. I ignored it when I worked in the corporate world and I'll do the same here. I suppose there will always be such people in all wakes of life, brown-nosing the 'right' people to achieve a celebrity status. I don't envy them, their lives must be so shallow!

I'm just glad there are genuine charming people whose blogs show their passion for their subject, and like them, I blog because I enjoy it, no expectations.

Meera xx

Marie said...

I always believe readers should be respectful when posting comments. After all, they are in the blogger's territory (blog) and they ought to be polite, just as any person tries to be polite when visiting someone else's home. If they don't like the post, it isn't that hard not to leave a comment, as that would be a lot better than leaving a rude one.

Gaby [The Vault Files] said...

Great great great post Tam. I've been blogging only for a couple of months now and I already recognized some cliques and some bloggers who wouldn't comment or be nice just for the sake of maintaining their "status". I couldn't care less, I just like what I do, I enjoy it and it's about doing what you like and not what you think people would like. I like to stay true to that ;)
Thanks for the inspiring positivity :)

Julie said...

thanks for being real. I think you need to add "do you" as your new subtitle--love it!

Yahnay said...

I found this post via Made By Girl. I agree with everything you have said.Great post I enjoyed reading it.

unknowntheartist said...

Awesome eye-opening post.

I think some bloggers lose their way and run in groups to maintain some kind of snobby authority over the rest of us. It is sad when adulthood is still like high school for these bloggers.

I'm glad there are kindhearted bloggers out there, like yourself and Jen from MBG. You make the rest of us proud and still want to blog!

Gabriella said...

Thank you for your incredible honesty. That really needed to be said!
I have found, that, as a new blogger, I might have some 'well-known' followers, but they won't feature me on their blogrolls, which then again I find very strange.
What I've also found is, that there are some bloggers, that comment on everybody's site with the same comment, which I think is sad. Shouldn't we comment, because we like something? Not because we want everybody's attention?
Sorry, that was just my two cents on all this.
But thank you again!

Helena - A Diary of Lovely said...

I loved this post, Ill be honest, I have been lucky so far and haven't had any mean comments, but I know of people who have and absolutely don't get it, don't like it? fair enough, no problem at all, don't be nasty!
Great advice!

alison@MyLittleHappyPlace said...

I think this post resonates with so many of us as bloggers, and people. There are days when I do get down about not being part of the "It" group of bloggers, or confused and angry over what I deem is a lack of courtesy on other blogger's parts, but I just try to remember that my hit count, number of comments, or followers does not define me.

I do think that with the ever-increasing number of people blogging, the "Big Name" bloggers feel a) A bit threatened and/or b) Annoyed by potential competition.
Sad, but very possibly true.

Thanks so much for your voice!

Marcy said...

Thank you so much for writing from your heart. I'm so sorry that everyone isn't supportive. There are so many good bloggers out there and there is so much to gain for everyone by being supportive and nice to everyone. I admire your courage for writing something that is so important.

jessicarsommer said...

I completely loved this post. Its refreshing to have someone talk about the other side! I'm a fairly new blogger but I have noticed this--- the whole 'big people' bloggers ignore you, or say things like 'now following your blog!' and youre thinking... umm no youre not, I can check :(. Silly things. I love honesty, kindness, etc, and i think it's so important to not get caught up on all this fluff, just do it for you. I have met allot of those competative bloggers too, and for someone like me who has a design career, blogging is for me, not for 'status' or 'clout'. I felt silly when I realised this, I had no idea how political blogging can be. It made me sad, I still blog for me but don't try too hard to smooze up to popular bloggers. I loved your post.

xo Jessica Rae
{lovely ugly design}
http://lovelyuglydesign.blogspot.com/
http://jessicaraesommer.blogspot.com

Tammy@InStitches said...

It always surprises me when I hear about "mean" comments, I just don't get why someone would go out of their way to be mean. You brought up some great points, thanks for keepin it real !

Designwali said...

Oh i just came over from Made by Girl and I must say this post was refreshing. I like your nod to diversity and agree that blogs are ever changing.

deborah said...

i also popped over here from made by a girl. you have so many valid points. points that i think i dismiss too often. i like playing with others, but can play alone quite happily. i'm going to re-read your words and ponder them today. thank you, oh and nice to *meet* you:) have a wonderful day!!!!

Tiffany said...

AMEN to that!!!! Wow I am so thankful that I found you via Jen's blog. As a new blogger, I have struggled to find my way in the blog world, but I always end up thinking the same thing you said, JUST DO ME. It turns out the be the right decision every time. This is a powerful post and one that I will save in the archives! Thanks so much for sharing!

apictureintime said...

I came this way via Made It Girl and I wanted to thank you for this post. I recently took a break fr blogging for some of the reasons you mentioned ... particularly the clique aspect of it. I almost want to go back to the days when my only audience was my husband and there were no expectations. I want to return to a feeling of comfort and blog the way used to (when i felt the urge to) but I don't really know how to do it without offending anyone.

Sara said...

I made my way via Jen and am so glad I did. I am a blogger within my first year and I totally get the cliques and it starts to hurt your feelings. Thank you for sharing your opinion and experiences. I need to make sure I am regularly following along.

My Crafty Home-Life said...

Thank you for your honesty. I'm scared! I just started blogging, and it seems like fun so far. Maybe that's because I have never received 1 comment to date?

court. said...

you're what it's all about!!

Thank you so much for all of YOUR support of my blogging and allowing us glimpses of your life! You are someone I read every day and I enjoy your point of view. Do YOU Mrs. Styles, we love you for it!

Kathryn said...

I've been a blog reader for some time now... not for ages, but just for a while. This here, is the first time I have ever written a comment. For once I read a blog that isn't fluffy, isn't jaded, isn't out to please the crowds. For once someone comes out and says what she's really thinking! So, for the first time, I just want to say, thank you. Thank you for your honesty, it is taken to my heart. I look forward to hearing more of this from you. :)

Carolina said...

Hi Tamara,
I loved your post!
I do blog since 2005 and I do it because I think is fun! :-)
I have lots of fun taking pictures and sharing certain points of my life on it!
I made some connections which brigten my day when I see they are back, but I keep on doing and addapting just because it makes me happy! Independent of how many comments I get or not.

But the most interesting part of your post is that I see other big blogs saying the same as you said, but doing the complete opposite! :-S

But that's ok, as I am here just to have fun!

A lovely day to you,
xx,
A.

My Crafty Home-Life said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brittany {Gallery No. Eight} said...

Awesome post! I've only been blogging for a few months, but I definitely know what you mean! I'm pretty sure of who I am and what I want my blog to be, so hopefully I don't end up like mean bloggers you mentioned. Best wishes!

Jewel said...

Great Post! You wrote everything I've been thinking about lately.

Sarah's Fab Day said...

So true! I agree that's it's silly to worry about other bloggers and what they're doing. Do what makes YOU happy and you'll be alright.

Beau lifestyle said...

Dear Tamara,
Thank you so much for this post, I am very unaware of these kind of things and I am warned person and I have learned from your experience. I started blogging because I was inspired by other bloggers and I had some things myself that I love and wanted to share with others.
I have no expectations, i do not run a business with it, really do it just for fun, and hope this can continue for many years....
Thank you for making your unique blog. luv

bink and boo said...

I am new to your blog, I came here via Made by girl.

Thank you for such an amazingly honest post. It helps me to remember why I started blogging...FOR ME.

I look forward to getting to know your style of blogging--and you--a little better as I add you to my reader.

Jamie said...

What a great post - things to think about. I blog simply because I want to, but every once in a while I find I want to see my place on the web grow. But then I realize I'm happier right where I am, quietly doing what I love.

Lucy Delaney said...

What an outpouring! Love it. Thank you for your clear, well thought out opinions on blogging... It is such an interesting sub-culture that I am just beginning to explore. One of my favorite blogs is called Keeping it real, and you my dear are ;)

Amy R. said...

I am in total agreement with you. I have only had to delete two comments from my blog since I started. I like blogging because it is my creative outlet, my show, my thoughts. I am thankful to have the opportunity to meet so many like minded people.

xo
Amy R.

susiebmag said...

This is so great. We just jumped into blogging and are trying to get a swing of things. I love the advice "DO YOU." You're only gonna be successful if you're having fun and being yourself. Thanks!!

Mom of 2 Cuties @ Sprinkles of Joy and Laughter said...

Just found you thru Made By Girl and looking forward to looking around your blog. I'm amazed at some people's negative energy. It's always best to rise above the crazy's..they are just not happy inside. Enjoy your day
Maureen

Julie said...

Came via Made by Girl.

Reading your post is like reading my mind and finally putting into words what is really and deeply going on in much of the bloggsphere. I'm not a writer nor am I trying to be hired by a magazine or The Times but I am indeed promoting myself as an Interior Designer whose English is not her fist language so, of course I make mistakes, of course I misspell and towards the end of the night when I re-read my post I crack up at it. Those people who would judge others (not include them in their blog roll or not credit them) for misspelling or not writing proper English are no more than stereotyping and segregationist; pretty much how they may be in real life considering that Blogging is an expression of our lives and feelings. It's really funny when I visit blogs that write like they're writing Shakespeare in long, long posts that make me feel like I'm reading a news paper. Who has time for that? There is so much to keep up in life, books, magazines, newspapers, class materials, I mean really? I myself have also seen bloggers preaching others while those others don't even turn their faces to look at them, I feel sad for them. It's even sadder to see that blog is no different from real life and some bloggers would not look at you unless they can benefit from it. It's the same that's happened with the world's greatest painters and artists; not until they find themselves good patrons (rich and famous) are they "worthy", valuable and recognized. So so sad... The funniest thing that has happend to me is noticing how people don't comment on my blog or include me in their blog roll just because others don't, sort of like a "collective reaction" or more like "oh, I better don't do it if I want "so and so" to consider me a friend" ha...
About commenting, I have encountered the same issue as well. Recent friends have not come to my party but I get a glance at them at another friend's party. That seems to be happening more often lately. It's funny how deceiving comments can be, the day I have less comments could be the day I had more traffic. It's basically pretty much the same nice people who comment. I make the greatest effort to reciprocate them including taking time away from my 2 1/2 son and husband on weekends in order to be able to.

P.S. You see what I mean? I'm sure I made mistakes commenting here but it would be an insignificant one compare to me not commenting for being scare of being judged or laughed at.

Urban Paint said...

awesome advice. great post. this is so real and makes me want to share. 10 days ago i deleted my blog for some of the reasons you mentioned. i am a cheerful person with a positive outlook on life and i thought the blog world would be similar. its not. and at times i have found it to be just the opposite. ain't that some crap? the negative nancys. the members of corporate blogland. the popular poaches. the surrealists. the competitive carlas. i no longer wanted to deal with it. i found myself always defending my self on my own darn blog! ain't that so more crap? explaining why i didn't post for a week or separating myself from the more "serious" bloggers. so, i let it go. i dislike negativity in my life. i just don't give it any room. and one day i had to said to myself, "self, why?". and in a few clicks i was done with cyber hate! so, now i just continue to follow my favorite blogs and comment. i'm good with that. i have a life to live and i'll be doggone if a blog gets me down. i'm so glad you wrote this!

Julip Made said...

I'm relatively new to blogging and just found your blog via Made by Girl. This is a great post with words that I will keep in mind as I continue blogging. We've all been through middle school, and hopefully no one wants to go back. I really appreciate your honesty and evaluation of how you've seen blogging evolve from your perspective. I will definitely be following!

~ Julie

♥Lizzy said...

Hi Tamara!
This is my first time at your blog (got here via MadeByGirl). I just wanted to say 'thank you' for this post. I myself have my own blog, but it was always just that, MY OWN. Never expected to be a "big blogger", etc. Just a way to write down thoughts and share events of the day with my bestie and family who I don't see often. With only a handful of readers (literally a handful), I don't get meanies (they are family and friends afterall), but have come across them on other blogs while leaving a comment. Wow. It's unbelievable what people write. I know we can't always expect positive comments, but it's just so unnecessary to be mean and hurtful. Guess they were never taught any tact and that's sad, esp. since these are grown people.
Anyway, best wishes to you, Tamara!:)

Jen of MadeByGirl said...

I know exactly what you mean... ;)
Pretty darn good post.

Kori@midesignmoxie said...

What a great post! I am new to blogging and haven't experienced this, yet. And I do say yet after reading all the comments. I thinkg when you write for yourself and do it because you love it, your voice will shine through! I have just started my blog and right now I do it for me because I love it and I enjoy doing it. This post helped me to realize I need to keep that mindframe! Thanks for being so honest!

Abbe said...

Thanks for posting this. I totally get it, especially as a new blogger...
xoxo-
Abbe
My Leather Jacket

Brenda Gibson said...

Really glad MadebyGirl posted about your blog, this was great advice. I'm a new blogger and am just trying to learn from the best.

Wendy said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts - good of you to put it out there. I've been blogging for just over a year for no reason other than to share images of pretty spaces. I also offer e-decorating services but that wasn't my goal... it just came to be organically. I still love sourcing and sharing beautiful interior photos!

The Social Secretary said...

Such a great post. It's nice to see how many people are in agreeance with you (myself included). Glad to have found your blog.

Carrie Fabulous said...

I love your post "DO You"! Very well put and said. I am new to blogging but I have two very successful nieces who are bloggers that have experienced what you mention and worse. Today we have lost all etiquette, consideration, and respect for each other. It's amazing...but we live in a fallen world. Just stumbled onto your site through another that linked to your site...a great find today for me!!!
I really do like your site...thank you for sharing!
XO Carrie
www.carriefabulous.com

Tiffany Ashley said...

Cheers to you and for giving us all something to take away from this very well said post...DO YOU!

AMAZING post!!

xo-Tiffany

delightfully-chic.blogspot.com

Cynthia Fox-Giddens said...

I truly enjoyed reading your blog post today. I started my blog a year ago and it's been the best thing I could have started. You made some good points and reading the comments already left by others, I can tell others can relate. You have a very nice blog and I plan to follow it.

Bloggers Abode said...

Someone should create a button that says "This is a NICE blog" to show others your intentions and hopes for their behavior. Then before we know it, the buttons will start spreading, people will start getting it and sunshine will have spread. And if that doesn't help we can create a "Don't even think about being be a BITCH here" button and take it from there... ;)

...love Maegan said...

Fantastic post. And so so so SO TRUE. {I found you via Jen @ MadeByGirl, fyi} ...Ya know, I'm at a point where I feel like I can't really say too much because it will just be used against me in some form but it's all very true and very ugly and very sad really. Because in the beginning, it's all very community, feeling like women FINALLY have this thing in common where we are all bonded by our blogging ...and then they all start turning on you, left and right. Just like friends in high school. It's really so similar I can't even believe we allow it to go on - it's gotten to a strange competition level which is just mind blowing really. I loved what you said about your "silent" readers ...I have found since the beginning that to be a ginormous pain in my side. I know they're reading because I'm inspiring posts on their blogs ...and the polite thing to do, which everyone knows is to link to your source of inspiration ...but it's rare. I'll say that I have a great amount of fantastically loyal readers and virtual friends now because of blogging {which to me is a passion and a business} and as busy as I am now I still try to reach out and read other blogs and "chat" via twitter and facebook ...whereas so many get a little success and stop all of that. It's just so rude really.

See, I said I wasn't going to say a thing and here I have written a Novel. :)

Nuha said...

you could not have said it more perfectly. I'm semi-new to blogging, but I am 100% well aware of the blogging "cliques". Sometimes it feels like high school all over again! I may seem like I'm just picking on blogging, but I really do enjoy it. I just wish that other bloggers were more open to befriending the newbies rather than just seeing them as another potential commenter/ follower.

amy said...

AMEN!

Tracey said...

Very interesting. I hadn't really thought about it too much like that before. But now i come to think about it, it does niggle me that SOME bloggers seem to have ignored me...but then maybe they've never bothered to look in the first place. I do blog for me. I like it, I love reading others blogs too, hope it never gets too political too enjoy. Great post ;)

The Zhush said...

Great post, great advice and so well said! And, I am guessing since I'm what...the 105th comment here...that this really resonated with a LOT of people! And what is better than that?

Jan said...

Hi - also here via MadeByGirl.
Who, I might add is one genuine, generous person.
Negative Nancy's?
That's a new one on me. :)
You raise some interesting points with this post though.
Well said.
Silent Messages?
Mmmm - I wonder.

Allison @ House of Hepworths said...

Bravo, bravo, bravo. What a perfect and beautiful post. I so know what you mean about mean bloggers, or bloggers who befriend you just to take advantage. I have a hard time accepting that because I'm so not like that. I hate being skeptical of everyone. But I have been used in the blogging world, and it sucks so I'm more aware now.
Thank you for posting this! I really needed to hear it today.

xoxo

Lisa {Authentic Suburban Gourmet } said...

Just found your blog and absolutely love it! This post was so "on point" with where blogging is today. I subscribe to the school of posting because you want to share your passion and connect with like minded individuals. Will keep on enjoying your blog! Have a divine week!!

Drew {Coral Cafe} said...

And that just says it all!!
That really is a great way to look at things.
I blog almost everyday, but sometimes I don't feel like I've got a strong enough post to inspire someone, so I'll work on the post more and post it another day. It's about giving it your best and showing others what you have to offer in that equation. I say if you can inspire at least one person a day from your post, it's worth it!
;)

Keisha said...

I love this post! Ive only been blogging a short while and have caught on to the very issues you clearly addressed. It can be a bit overwhelming...but then Im reminded, Im doing this for me.
Thanks for sharing!
I love your blog!

Laura Burciaga said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laura Burciaga said...

Loved this post. So enlightening and certainly confirmed many things that I have noticed on blog land. As a newbie to this whole blogging thing, its good for me to know that not everyone will befriend me. Thanks!

ALi said...

Thank you for posting this message. Having recently started my blog, this was very insightful.

Lynn {hearted girl} said...

hi Tamara,

i've just come over from Jen's space after reading the teaser to this post and as i'm a fairly new-ish blogger it piqued my interest.

your writing is so open and candid, addressing many things i've thought of, questioned or have felt confused over. i so appreciate this post, sometimes even in the real world it's hard to understand certain folks but knowing you aren't alone with that sure does make my day brighter!

this has helped me out a ton as i'm prepping a guest post for a new found blogging buddy about a similar topic. sometimes i've felt the sads b/c we’re not necessarily privy to meeting the actual person or even giving them an allotted amount of attention. today’s culture of click, click....gone isn’t something that’s going to change in the big scheme of things but we collective few who truly vibe within the wizardry that is connection and care realize that even bloggy friends who are miles upon miles apart can grow a strong bond or just makes a momentary connection to be remembered fondly.

totally LOVE connecting more than anything; for me it's what blogging is about. i spend a lot of time reading & commenting, it matters to me. after reading your profound metaphor of the party and the shadow in the window; i actually got chills. it resonated deeply, i'm still living in a sort of honeymoon period and haven't received any meanies yet, not sure about when i do but you've helped me feel more empowered as a woman and a blogger. i appreciate the time it took you to delve in and share this out. very happy to discover your space lades.

socks are officially rocking, you're ace! ♥

designstiles said...

Thanks Tam for this. I noticed the cliques almost immediately and even thought about quitting for awhile. My friends and family were my loyal readers and then I noticed getting other super nice, friendly bloggers who were probably also in my position. I just ignore the cliques and if someone gets big because of their blog, more power to them. I'm doing this for me. I've learned that.

And when you featured my purse, I was ecstatic. You are a big name blog and you gave me the time of day. Thank You!

Andi Skaggs said...

Well said....I love that you have put this out there!

N~Grace said...

Tamara, I'm a new follower of your blog and this post is JUST what I needed, not only as a fellow blogger but for life in general. In every aspect of life you'll come across those "negative nancy's" so just keep ya head up and DO YOU! (Well, do me! loL) Anyway thanks :) I love your blog.

deborah said...

i am sharing this post at themotherhood.com today. i would love for more women to read your words:)

Amber Interiors said...

I hear YA!!!!! I appreciate all my followers and anyone who comments because I realize they are taking time away from there lives to read about my life. I also have had a couple of snubs from "big bloggers" when I have asked for them to take a look at my blog ect...So far I have had some really really nice people and some short and rude returned emails... Not cool at all!
Thanks so much for posting this!

Suzie @ cupcake monkey said...

This has to be the the best post I have ever read...ever...on any blog. Your honesty is very much appreciated and refreshing. You have said what so many of us have been thinking for years.

"Never forget where you started," really hit the nail on the head for me. I remember helping out a few bloggers when we were starting back in 2007, then I took a break (almost 2 years...yikes) when I got pregnant and had my son, and they got a bit "big" and I just kind of got dropped (by them). It definitely hurt, I got over it and now just try to stay present and to forget about that and to not place emphasis on comments and followers and being mentioned on other blogs and just blog because I enjoy it.

Sorry for my ridiculous book of a comment, but I really needed to read this post today...and when I have a moment, I would love to read all of the comments. Thanks for being real. :)

Hope said...

I found you through Jen but then realized that we're Twitter friends too and that I'd already stumbled on your blog!

I loved this post. I was having the same conversation about this the other day. I've been blogging for four years and the cliques just seem to be getting stronger and stronger.

One of my pet peeves is when I leave a thoughtful comment on a blog and I don't get a response. I've been guilty of this in the past and it was only when I realized how much it bugged me that I changed.

I try to respond to every comment on my blog and visit that person's blog. If I like it, it get's bookmarked, if it's not something that I enjoy, I won't.

I like the diversity of blogs I read. Little ones, big ones, crafty ones, writer ones.

I was never clique-y in high school, I'm not about to start now!

Such a great post!

jacin {lovely little details} said...

thank you so much for posting this. i spend at least an hour or so everyday commenting on blogs who have been so kind as to stop by mine and pay a visit.
and i understand the blogger burnout too, because sometimes with everything else going on you just question yourself. but i try so hard to stay true to myself, especially given the cliquey world this blogger space has become, and just try to remember to "DO YOU" every day.
thank you.

thecharitywedding.com said...

This was a great post and a wonderful reminder! You are right, blogging is no different that corporate America and it is often easy to get lost in competition! I will be book marking this for sure so I can refer to it whenever I need a little reminder of what I started doing this in the first place!

Shafonne said...

Yes, Yes, Yes!! These type of posts have been popping up and I'm so excited because it is just confirming why I'm here and what I'm meant to do. This same stuff has been happening in the world of plus size brides!!

Katie @ covestreetblog said...

Just what I needed to hear:) Thanks Tamara!

wendy said...

Hi Tam:

I don't have a blog.. but your post is so incredibly well written, from the HEART!!
With regard to the "meanies" .. I recall a quote from Dr. Maya Angelou.. when someone is gossiping about you; remember - "you're not "in" it".. I live my life with this motto.. in my house, car or cottage.. "Kindness matters; and my home is a gossip-free zone" mean people poison the air around us.
You are REAL girl.. love it.

wendy said...

Hi Tam:

I do not have a blog.. just enjoy reading them.. I can't help but comment.. your honesty is wonderful.
There is an expression from Dr.Maya Angelou - when someone says/does something mean - remember, you are not IN IT!
I have cute signs in my cottage and home.. "THIS IS A GOSSIP FREE ZONE"
and when I see someone saying/doing something mean to another person; I remember Maya's famous quote "When someone tells you "WHO" they are "BELIEVE" them...
Your words tell who you are... lovely, honest and caring..
Ignore the meanies.

Pawleys Island Posh said...

So I just found your blog through another blog I never read and I found this so inspiring. And I'm happy to have found two new blogs, my favorite thing to do is find new ones with new perspectives! And I LOVE yours!

Meli said...

I followed a link to this post and really loved it. Thank you for sharing your opinion and experience. For a somewhat newbie blogger, trying to keep up with the Jones' was something I was starting to struggle with. I love your advice to just be genuine. That's what I have been doing the past 2 years and at times have felt like I need some sort of focus to get my blog noticed. Now is that I am realizing that isn't the case.

Thanks again for your reassuring words!

melificent.com

GingerMandy said...

Love this! I have hundreds of blogs in my reader and it's an incredibly diverse and random bunch, and I've come to realize you can SO tell when someone is blogging for the wrong reasons, or if they have an "agenda" and make a point to plug other bloggers for their own exposure. It cuts down on the merit of anything they have to say SO much. It's really a turnoff and is so much more enjoyable to just read someone who writes from the heart.

lisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
barbara@hodge:podge said...

Wow, you hit the nail on the head! Thanks for that! I especially love the DO YOU. Will print that up and frame to remind me daily!

Glad I found your blog via Made By Girl. Will be back to read more!

lisa said...

{hehehehe after all that i spelt a few things wrong}

wow popped in from madebygirl and was a total pleasure to read.....i was reading along going "yeah, omg, yup" agree with everything you wrote........great advise thanks lisa

drooz doodles said...

thank you for posting. wonderful points!.. and so TRUE!

Laurie Jones said...

What a great posting, I'm glad to see so many other people feel the same way as I've been thinking and its great you put it in writing. Sometimes I feel like it's the popular girls club out there and honestly I've felt like it's been hard to find my niche because I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere, so thanks for reminding me to just do you, because you're right when I'm true to myself it seems like good things always come my way! Thanks again!!

Sarah @ Cubicle Sanity said...

It is very refreshing to read this. I have emailed "well known" bloggers before and a year has passed with no response or acknowledgement. It makes you wonder...."why tell me to contact you if you don't mean it....sorry I don't have enough followers to warrant your attention." And that is sad to me.
I appreciate your honesty and encouragement to keep your blog YOUR blog. So, in short. Thank you! Thank you for shedding light on a seemingly ignored subject.

ps- I am queen of spelling errors...but that makes me, me. If they don't like it, don't come back :)

A Casa da VĂ¡ said...

Hi Tamara just found your lovely post through madebygirl and it is a great taken in such a delicate subject! I've noticed the way people blog really shows their true colors, you can see if they are cordial, if they have manners or even if they have any polite bone to their bodies. I guess it is just like real life, gotta do like you said, do your own thing and ignore the negativity. Some try to create a new self, like using the blog as a way to make up a new character but you know... the coolest blogs are the ones where the person behind feels genuine, feels real and feels like they put their heart and soul on every post. I really appreciate reading your thoughts, love every word of it!

Jasmine said...

Tam, preach girl preach! As I told you before I love how you keep it real on your blog. This post is no exception.

~Jazz

Cassie {Hi Sugarplum!} said...

I love this post and the advice! My blog is purely my creative outlet...no mission statement, no purpose or agenda. But sometimes I get swept up in wanting it to grow...which has nothing to do with why I started it. It's my release.

Thanks for the reminder!
xo

SAJ said...

Such great food for thought and words of inspiration and encouragement. You hit the nail on the head on so many different points. I read your post twice! Thanks for the realness.

Sinan said...

Great post Tam! I'm very new to blogging so this has been valuable insight for me. I always choose what posting about what I want and what I really like, over what might increase traffic. On my blog I get almost no comments for my posts and modest traffic, but what the hey, so be it!

New York State of Mom said...

This was so necessary! I still consider myself a newbie at blogging and because of some of the meanies I question what I really want to do with it but your advice is on point. DO YOU! Thanks for this and remaining open and honest.

The Demoiselle said...

EXCELLENT read. Kudos for your honesty and transparancy!! Loves it! (P.S. I mostly comment on wedding-related blogs because that's my niche as a blogger but I'm also rather obsessed with design blogs - yours being one of them. xo's)

Shauntelle said...

I started blogging three years ago and when I first started, I think people were cliching up because it's just natural to hang with those who share your interests... and back then, blogging was still new in terms of "interest" blogs versus general life journals... but over the years I have seen the kind of blogging "hierarchy" evolve as some people transitioned into having more visible blogs and others not as visible...

I think when blogging became something you could potentially earn an income from rather than just being a form of expression... well, a lot changed and it became way more competitive... and folks started name dropping on the off chance you might catch someone's eye and some of their audience might hop on over to see you... which is fine and one method of marketing...

Personally, I try to stay focused on doing my own thing and whenever I start feeling lost, I take a moment to remember what my purpose is so I can be authentic to MY voice. I try to remember what led me to blogging in the first place and keep on doing my thing...

Kudos to you for encouraging that!

Jenny said...

Great post! Wow, I read this at the right time - I'm actually coming off a break from blogging because I was feeling stressed and because blogging felt like a chore. I just needed some time a way to assess the situation. I love it but I knew I needed some time away. Now, I'm warming back to it and posting what I like, when I like it and not worrying about the numbers and followers, etc. Thank you for telling it like it is!!!

StonehouseLove said...

Wow Tam you say it like it is and i love people like that! I work hard in my own biz because i agree that the competition in corporate america sucks and i truly believe we all have something unique to offer so why be intimidated? I admire other bloggers' talents and support them but i feel good about what i am doing professionally and on my blog too and i'm ok with playing on the playground with a couple of genuine friends rather than a world of phonies and i hate cliques. I notice that on twitter too but i comment when i want to because want to; no agenda. Great piece-enjoyed reading it!

Coley said...

Thanks for posting this! It was very insightful :)

TamStyles said...

Thanks again for all the support regarding this post. the feedback shows that I am not alone...Thanks for understanding my truth again.

tam

SweetSugarBelle said...

This was a good aha post for me. I'm new at this and I don't always understand the workinatgsbut u made me laugh and say aha several times...ps im a bad speller and people often tell me so. I.ll be passing this on

Brandi said...

Such a great post! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!

Cecilia said...

My favorite line sung by Eddie Vedder, "if I had known then, what I know now..." Wouldn't any of us love to have a "re-do" in high school? The cliques will always be there, from high school to college to suburban mom-life. As a mother of four, I am trying to pass on the "be yourself" mantra to my children. Do what you love and don't let anyone critize you or stop believing in yourself - but be courteous along the way. Great post! Thank you (and makeundermylife - which is how I got here).

Latoya said...

Totally agree with your post. I haven't been blogging a week and I have already sensed some "not so welcome to the blogging community" feelings. Your post gives inspiration and I'm glad you shared.

BossyGirl1980 said...

I love this. IT is so true...I blog because I want to and I try not to conform to what others want you to do. That is why I really do not read alot of fellow bloggers.. IT is almost like a popularity contest...SMH

Anonymous said...


I was able to find good advice from your blog articles.